Perfection

Not unlike Hillary, I'm having a bit of a riding crisis right now (not to the same extent, it's not discipline related). I've decided that my biggest problem lately is that I'm pushing myself too hard and trying to improve faster than possible. I constantly worry about my position and how I look, often forgetting to just ride and enjoy myself. I don't want to sound obnoxious, but I've had a lot of trainers tell me that I'm a "pretty" rider and that I have a lot of natural talent/potential, which I now think I'm messing with too much. In all of my most recent pictures, I look stiff and uncomfortable. I don't feel that way in the moment, but looking back makes me realize how forced my movements are. I try to force my heels down...force my shoulders back...force my elbows to stay at my sides...etc.

I have all of these things that I feel like I need to fix now, but I have no idea how to go about them or which one to tackle first. I'm honestly feeling like giving up on my heels at this point. I have slim to no flexibility in my calves/ankles, making it almost impossible to push my heels down, even to the smallest extent. I feel like I'm literally incapable of pushing them down any further than they are, which right now is about even with my toe, causing me to lose/do weird things with my stirrups. This is probably my biggest problem right now and the one I should deal with first, but I have no idea how to suddenly make myself more flexible than my body naturally allows :( Do any of you have heels-down problems? If so, how do you fix them? Mine is noticeably worse with my right heel, as demonstrated in the picture below. I sometimes get a sharp pain running through my ankle bone and I almost feel like my ankle pops in and out of place, almost like the joint isn't "lubricated" enough.

Here are the pictures from yesterday's ride (or as Hillary called it - Strip Riding). Limerick was really good, even though the weather here is insane and it suddenly went from gorgeous in the mid 30s-40s to  a humid and sticky 60 degrees in a matter of days. We worked on canter poles and getting the right spot. As E pointed out in my last lesson, I generally get a better distance the less I look at the poles. I asked her if we could put a target at both ends of the ring for me to focus on, so she sent another rider down there for me to stare at to keep my eyes up. It worked, and now I just have to make a really conscious effort to not death stare at whatever we're going over... I noticed in my lesson that this really does affect him and he tried to refuse a couple of jumps because of it.

Limmers listened well and was a good boy, standing patiently while I took pictures for Hill and (rather stupidly) had my camera in hand. I trust him enough at this point not to do anything :) After poles and taking pictures, we just flatted around and had some stellar walk-canter transitions, which we've struggled with lately. He was actually fab for all of our transitions yesterday, which made today all the more frustrating. Today, we rode during a pretty massive thunder/hail storm and all things considered, Limmers was good. However, towards the end he was SO stubborn! He was basically saying F*** you to my leg and doing the running trot thing instead of picking up the canter. Needless to say, I got mad, and we had one last messy transition before the ride was over. I just needed him to pick it up and as soon as he did, he got to be done.